It's hard to love yourself all the time. I go in phases where sometimes I love myself and other times I hate myself. It doesn't help that I have anxiety and since the end of the summer I've been struggling with depression. Every word I say, every text and email I send, every action I take I wonder if it was the right thing, if it was enough, if I should have done it.
We can't travel back in time and even if we long for the past, we can't go back and live there. We also can't pretend the current is different, eventually we have to face reality and learn from it, even when the situation is difficult.
It's been about a year now since I got lost and became really afraid to deal with what life was throwing at me. I stopped exercising. I stopped eating well. I stopped meditating. I stopped crafting. I stopped blogging regularly. Eventually I stopped baking. I started stressing more than anything, sleeping less and having constant panic attacks. I became unsure of what I was doing and yet I still continued on. I did my school work, stayed involved in activities, got a new job and spent time with my family and friends.
The issue was that I was without my own creativity, motivation, inspiration, laughter and kindness most of the time and I hated this verison of myself. I wasn't taking care of myself because I was so busy trying to take care of everyone and everything else.
It wasn't until very recently that I realized I have to start loving myself again. Of course there will still be times when I get frustrated with myself and confident isn't a word I would use to describe myself because I'm scared and nervous about a lot of things. However I can try to be more postive and present in every moment.
I'm in the process of letting go, healing and moving forward and this Valentine's Day I look forward to sharing with you my journey so far of self discovery and learning to love myself again.